


Breaking The Bond

by anyrei



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Profound Bond, Sam is an awesome friend, Season/Series 11, The Darkness - Freeform, canon compliant till episode 11x12, canon-verse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 02:12:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6685084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyrei/pseuds/anyrei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean can’t kill Amara because of their bond and there is only one way to stop it. They have to break it. Castiel has a plan but he still suffers from his time as Lucifer’s vessel</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking The Bond

**Author's Note:**

> It’s me again with another bonding themed story. What can I say? I just love this trope. Have fun :D | Thanks to my awesome beta reader [mugglerock](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mugglerock/pseuds/mugglerock) for shaping grammar fails into a real story :D

“Lay down on the bed next to him,” Crowley demanded, “and hold him close. It’s important you don’t let go of him. He needs your soul as an anchor to come back from whatever Lucifer has done to him. If he doesn’t come back in the next eight hours...”

 

Dean did it without hesitation, anything to get Cas back. He climbed into his bed and pulled Cas’s lifeless body close to his. “Is there anything I can do to–”

 

“No,” Crowley interrupted him. “It’s entirely up to him to come back. If he gives up on his life it doesn’t matter what we do. Castiel will cease to exist.”

 

Dean closed his eyes and pulled Cas’s body closer to him. “You could pray. Maybe he still hears you.” The soft tone was a rare gem in the King of Hell’s voice.

 

Sam let Crowley out of the room , but turned back for one last time before he left , “If you need anything, Dean…”

 

“Yeah, I know. Tell Crowley I said thanks,” he didn’t care that his voice sounded broken.

 

“You know, he didn’t do it for us.”

 

“I don’t care, he brought him here. That’s all that matters.”

 

Sam nodded and left Dean alone with his unconscious friend. His silence and stillness was unnerving. He looked so young and innocent, sleeping in Dean’s bed. And yeah, sleeping – because Dean refused to let himself think that Cas was dying in his arms.

 

“Cas, I don’t know if you can hear me… but I’ll try anyway,” Dean’s hands slid through Cas’s soft hair before he continued his prayer , “Wake up, please. You have to come back to me.”

 

Dean’s hand wandered down to Cas’s shoulder, his eyes taking in the bloodstains on his white dress shirt. “I have no idea what Lucifer said to you, but he was lying, okay? You know he was. He’s an.... assbutt.” Dean’s fingers fumbled with the first button of Cas’s dress shirt, having in mind to stay as close to his friend as possible as he opened the shirt to check on the wounds the demons had inflicted when they had cast Lucifer out.

 

“I need you to come back to me…” Dean’s voice was nearly above a whisper when his fingers tenderly stroked over the little scratches on Cas’s skin, smearing the blood away from them. “I can’t do this without you, Cas. I can’t fight Amara without you.”

 

Dean closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Cas’s. The angel’s body was cold and Dean hoped that this wasn’t a bad sign. “Amara has this hold on me… and I can’t kill her… And I’m afraid, Cas… Afraid what this will do to me and…  _ fuck _ … I just need you at my side. I could always count on you, right? To have my back. To help me stay the way I am…”

 

He sighed, his hand wandered back from Cas’s chest into his hair. “Please, Cas… I can’t lose you… Wake up, please. You’re no fucking Snow White… or Sleeping Beauty... or whatever...”

 

He felt the desperation creeping in his heart as he said that. It hurt seeing Cas like this. Lifeless, weak, injured…. and empty. There had to be a way to break through to him, if he could only speak to him… if he could only know what was wrong with Cas... 

 

His mind was unhelpfully suggesting that Sleeping Beauty woke up after the prince had kissed her. His eyes fell on his friend’s lips, slightly apart and chapped. He couldn’t, could he? Suddenly Dean felt way too warm. This was bullshit! Cas wouldn’t wake up if he kissed him. That was just… stupid....

 

But once the thought was there it didn’t go away. There was this lingering, “but what if it works...”  The temptation to just try it was too strong to resist. What was the worst thing that could happen? No one was there to witness and if nothing happened, no one would ever know. And if Cas would somehow notice Dean was kissing him , then he had to wake up to kick his ass. And waking up Cas was all that mattered.

 

“Okay… I’m counting to three and then I’ll kiss you,” he whispered . “So if you don’t want that, you’ll have to wake up.” Dean stared at Cas’s face, hoping that the threat was enough to shock his friend into waking up , but Cas didn’t stir in the slightest. “I’m not kidding, man. I’m doing this… If you wanna punch me, you have to wake up first. Just so you know....” Still nothing. Dean counted to three very, very slowly – even added a two and a half , but Cas still wasn’t reacting as he reached ‘three’.  _ Fuck. _

 

He cradled Cas’s face in his hands as his lips slowly found their way to Cas’s mouth. It felt like a spark shooting through his body, letting him shudder and filling every nerve ending with tension and warmth as soon as their lips met. It was the exact opposite of what he had felt when Amara had kissed him. Amara had felt like silence, like darkness and nothingness, calm and empty , but Cas… Cas felt like fire, like life… like everything. 

 

He gasped and stared at the angel in awe, startling as he heard a low groan and felt Cas moving next to him. “CAS? Cas!!!” He still held his face in his hands as his friend slowly looked up, clear and warm blue eyes meeting his. 

 

“Hello, Dean,” his deep voice cracked. Relief flooded Dean as his lips broke into a smile and the side of his eyes crinkled in joy. He leaned down and kissed Cas again, a second before he realized what he was doing and Cas went rigid under his touch. 

 

_ Fuck. _

 

“Shit! I’m sorry, Cas.…” He couldn’t look at his friend, startled as he felt warm fingers lifting up his chin. And then Cas kissed him back. Just barely and tentatively… soft, pliant lips that felt like they were setting Dean’s body on fire. They breathed in the same hot air between them in shallow gasps; soft touches of lips sending sparks through Dean that made him feel dizzy. 

 

Dean flicked his tongue over Cas’s upper lip, moaning into Cas’s mouth as their tongues touched and they deepened the kiss. His heart was stumbling, racing and the hunter felt a surge to be closer to Cas, to be as close as possible and never let go. 

 

“Oh, wow… sorry guys!” 

 

_ Sam! Shit, shit, shit! _

 

Dean nearly fell from the bed in shock that his brother had witnessed him making out with Cas.  _ Son of a bitch! _ He just had kissed Cas! His best friend! A man! Well an angel – but fuck!

 

Dean felt his head spinning trying to get his head around what the hell just happened. Kissing Cas… It wasn't a normal kiss. There was no way kissing another person could feel that good... that perfect.

 

A groan and Cas’s face wincing in pain brought him back from his thoughts. 

 

“Cas, are you alright?!” He asked, unable to mask the worry he felt for his friend. Dean noticed Sam from the corner of his eye, as the taller man slowly entered his room.

 

“Yesss,” the angel hissed and scrunched his nose in pain, which didn’t really support his answer. Dean didn’t know if he could let go of Cas already, Crowley hadn’t been very specific about this soul anchor thing but with Sam now in the room with them he couldn’t continue cuddling his best friend. He carefully sat up on his bed, one hand on Cas’s shoulder as the angel blinked suddenly and looked up at Dean in surprise. “How did you know about the soul anchor?”

 

“Crowley,” Sam answered for Dean. “He brought you back.”

 

“Why?” Cas tilted his head.

 

Dean rolled his eyes, “Doesn’t matter. You’re back. That’s the only thing that counts.” He playfully punched the angel on his shoulder, “And never do that again!”

 

Cas scoffed and slowly stood up from the bed, his balance was still a bit off and he winced in pain when his feet met the ground. 

 

“Hey, hey, you don’t need to get up, Cas,” Sam managed to say before he braced Cas’s weak body with his hand, stopping him from tumbling over.

 

Dean pulled Cas down on his bed. “Sit down, Cas. There’s no rush,” Dean’s voice was softer than usual and it earned him a curious look from his younger brother who he tried to ignore. To Dean’s surprise Cas let himself be pulled back, only underlining Dean’s suspicion that the angel wasn’t fine. 

 

He glanced up at Dean from his position next to him with a tired expression. “Why did you bring me back? We need Lucifer to stop the Darkness.”

 

Dean shook his head in anger and stood up from the bed, pacing a few steps before he faced Cas again , “It was a stupid mistake, Cas! What were you thinking? Letting Lucifer out of the cage?”

 

Cas glared at him , “He was our only chance at killing Amara! I don’t have the power to do it, so letting him take my body instead of Sam’s, it was the only way for me to be useful in this fight.”

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Dean shouted.

 

Cas stood up, all tense with an aura of a badass angel that could smite anyone with the snap of his fingers. “I stood next to Rowena when she lifted the curse from you. We all knew the risks to the world and I didn’t care! I allowed another threat for humanity into this world, an evil force so powerful that she is capable of burning the whole world to ashes. And I can’t do anything to stop it. I brought humankind to the eve of destruction more times than Lucifer and frankly, I don’t understand why you keep saving me, because you should hunt and kill monsters like me.”

 

Dean was shocked into silence at hearing those words. Something echoed in the back of his mind, words that Cas had told him ages ago… on the day they had met.

 

“You don’t think you deserve to be saved,” the hunter mumbled, still in shock.

 

The hunter heard Cas’s sharp intake of air before he staggered back to the bed and sat down heavily, his eyes turned down , “No, I know that I don’t deserve this.”

 

Sam cleared his throat and sat beside the angel on the bed, “Look, Cas… I know, how you feel. We’ve all been there… the guilt... sometimes it’s overwhelming and you think it’s easier to just give up. But you’re not like Lucifer, Cas. Not even a little, trust me on this. I know that bastard. A monster doesn’t feel guilt... “

 

Dean sat on Cas’s other side and nodded , “And you’re a Winchester. We don’t give up. We keep on fighting until we win. And we need you, you have no idea how much. But not as a tool, or a weapon or what the fuck ever. We need you, ‘cause you’re family. You’re as important as Sam and me. Team Free Will, remember?”

 

…. :::: :::: ….

 

Cas stared at him in shock. 

 

_ You’re as important as Sam and me. _

 

He had never thought he would hear those words from Dean’s lips. But although he had longed to hear them, the words felt hollow in his chest. Bitterness had claimed his heart and he knew it. He didn’t feel like he was important. 

 

And Dean certainly hadn’t made him feel like it. He remembered how Dean had told him he was family before or that he needed him… but in reality he only ever needed him as a tool. Like Metatron, like Naomi and like Heaven before had used him.

 

The only time he had ever felt like Dean had meant those words was in Purgatory. But maybe that had been born out of a false sense of obligation from Dean’s side. Maybe he had felt like he had to save Cas from Purgatory because Cas had saved him from Hell. Quid pro quo.

 

Nothing more. 

 

There was a time where Cas was used to the fact that he was a tool for everyone and frankly he hadn’t had a problem with that. But things had changed over time, he had changed…

 

There were feelings…

 

Feeling that had let him to make horrible mistakes, that made him lose sight of the greater good. Feelings that made him selfish. Feelings that hurt for they would never be returned.

 

Giving his body up to Lucifer felt like a relief. He knew the archangel would do anything to kill the Darkness, not only because they were old enemies but also because he couldn’t stand the competition. And with the Darkness out of the picture he knew that Sam and Dean would somehow find a way to take Lucifer down again. He knew he would perish alongside with Lucifer and he was okay with that idea. He deserved to die for he wasn’t better than Lucifer.

 

So what did it matter that he hadn’t any evil intentions? At the end of the day the result was the same. He brought as much destruction and death to Earth and Heaven that it matched Lucifer. And he would do it again if it would help Dean. 

 

And therein lies his problem: _Dean._

 

He couldn’t let his emotions rule his every action anymore, causing the destruction of the world in his wake. But he also knew as long as he was alive he wouldn’t change that, he couldn’t change that. Dean would always have this power over him. 

 

Sam cleared his throat next to him , “You look pretty tired, Cas. Maybe you should get some shut-eye.”

 

Cas looked up at the younger Winchester, grateful that he had interrupted his string of thoughts. He let out a deep breath and nodded, “You’re probably right. Maybe I should…” he blinked. The thought he just had vanished from his mind as he felt Dean’s hand on his shoulder. He looked up at the hunter sitting next to him, catching him sharing a look with Sam and causing the younger Winchester to nod. Sam gave Cas an awkward wave before he left Dean’s room and left him alone with Dean.

 

Cas wished Sam would have stayed. 

 

He didn’t know if he could be alone with Dean, answering questions he knew the hunter had and that he didn’t felt like answering.

 

Dean gave him a long and silent look that Cas had difficulties trying to interpret , but made him feel uncomfortable. “What?” Cas asked, noticing that his annoyance and irritation was audible in his voice.

 

“Yeah, exactly... what, Cas? Don’t you think we have a few things to talk about?” Dean asked with wide, disbelieving eyes.

 

“No,” Cas answered resolutely, hoping Dean would lose his patience with him and would leave him alone before he noticed that he was still in Dean’s room. “I should go to my room.” 

 

Dean’s hand on his arm held him back from standing up. “Wait, Cas, please.” Cas looked up at Dean and wished he hadn’t the instant he saw Dean’s expression. He was pleading, imploring him with so much sadness in his eyes , to stay. 

 

Cas bit his lips and looked down again. The hand on his arm slowly went up to his shoulders. He could feel Dean’s warmth next to him, his voice soft and quiet , “Let me take care of this , at least.”

 

For a moment, Cas didn’t know what Dean was referring to until he felt Dean’s fingers opening his shirt buttons. That’s when he noticed the blood stains on it. “I… I can do this myself, Dean.”

 

But his protest was weak and Dean was already at the last button. “I know… please. I just wanna take care of these wounds. Some still seem to be bleeding.”

 

Cas nodded and helped Dean to get the shirt off of him. “I can’t heal myself at the moment. My grace is weak,” Cas sighed in defeat.

 

“Will it get better?” Dean asked as he stood up from the bed.

 

Cas didn’t know. He wasn’t an ordinary angel anymore. The same rules that used to apply to everyone often didn’t apply to him. He was so different from his brethren. After everything that had happened to him, being killed and resurrected a few times, being the host of Leviathans and monster souls, being brainwashed, manipulated and crazy, being human and for the grand finale…. being an archangel’s vessel. He had changed. So much that nobody wanted him anymore. His brethren hated or feared him and as for Sam and Dean? He was a liability. Someone who made mistakes on such a grand, earth shattering scale, that they felt responsible for fixing them. And he couldn’t even help because he was too weak. Maybe Dean was right and he just made things worse with letting Lucifer out of his cage.

 

The archangel would probably find a new vessel soon. And although Cas was still sure he would be going after the Darkness to kill her, the chances were good that one of these great evils would survive. It was like fighting fire with fire.

 

Cas startled as Dean entered his room again with a first aid kit. He hadn’t even noticed him leaving. Dean gave him a quick sad smile as he noticed his confusion: “You were pretty out of it.”

 

Cas hummed in agreement, his eyes following Dean as he sat down on the bed next to him and drenched a cotton ball with a disinfecting agent. It felt cold on his skin where Dean wiped the blood away on his chest. He let Dean work in silence knowing that the hunter needed to do this, to feel somehow helpful in a situation he couldn’t control or change. 

 

“Did you hear anything I said to you… you know, when you were out?” Dean asked quietly. The air felt thick with tension between them and somehow Cas had difficulties trying to think and breathe. 

 

“No,“ Cas answered, mirroring the quietness 

 

It was a lie. Or at least, a half-truth. He had heard the beginning of Dean’s prayer to him, but he had blocked it, afraid the hunter’s words would persuade him to return. He didn’t want to return. He wanted to vanish into nothingness, to never feel again. He had wanted to die… He still did. 

 

“So… the... um… the thing I did… that was really the reason you woke up?”

 

_ Ah, the elephant in the room.  _ Cas loved this expression and he almost grinned at Dean’s clumsy attempt to ask about the kiss. But Cas had a question of his own. “I still don’t understand why you did that. Did Crowley tell you that would wake me up?”

 

If Cas didn’t know any better he would have sworn Dean blushed. “No, he didn’t. But this was it, right? That woke you up?”

 

Cas squinted his eyes, “Yes, you forced me awake with this.”

 

There was an uncomfortable silence between them. Dean stared at Cas with unbelieving eyes before he slowly shook his head, “You wanted to die.”

 

It wasn’t a question, just a statement. One that Dean just didn’t want to believe, although he knew it was true. Cas had learned a long time ago not to answer rhetorical questions; instead he repeated his own. “Dean, why did you kiss me?”

 

Dean rubbed his hand over his face in frustration and shook his head again , “I don’t know, okay? It seemed stupid not to try everything. I didn’t believe it would work. It’s so freaking Disney… and why the  _ Hell  _ did it work anyway?”

 

Cas never wanted to have this conversation. He wasn’t sure if Dean would understand, but he knew the hunter wouldn’t let this go until he had an explanation. “Forty years in Hell left your soul damaged and frayed... When I rescued you, I sacrificed part of my grace to fix you.” 

 

Dean was quiet next to him and Cas couldn’t face him, afraid of what he might see in Dean’s face. He folded his hands and took in a deep breathe, “Unlike the Darkness, I can’t force a bond onto you. I need your consent to form a bond.”

 

“Okay…” Dean replied slowly, coaxing Cas to elaborate.

 

“Because you have part of my grace in you, we have a potential for a bond and this comes with consequences. One of them is that you have the ability to call me back whenever you want or need me. Even from the void.”

 

“Son of a bitch…” Dean murmured and Cas couldn’t agree more. Dean turned slightly on the bed to face him completely , “So what? Do I have a bond with two different people now?”

 

Cas sighed, “No, like I said, ours isn’t complete and only one can exist.... If ours would be completed, the one you share with the Darkness would break.” 

 

Dean eyes widened, “Why is that?”

 

Cas couldn’t help but grin, “I saw you first.”

 

Dean snorted and shook his head and for the first time Cas felt lighter in his heart just seeing Dean smiling because of him. The hunter stood up and grabbed a shirt from his duffel bag that he tossed in Cas’s direction. Cas caught it and looked down at his naked torso, realizing that Dean had fixed every wound while they had talked. He gave him a thankful nod and slipped into Dean’s shirt, for a moment overwhelmed that it smelled like Dean. He felt way better now and he didn’t really understand why.

 

Dean sat next to him again when Cas buttoned the shirt. “So… um… Cas… when we… um… kissed, that didn’t feel normal. That was because of this potential bond thing, right?”

 

Cas nodded and looked up when he was done, almost smiling when he noticed Dean being flustered about the question. 

 

“Okay, I see… um… how do we complete this bond? Is there a ritual of some sort?”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at him, “Yes. Why?”

 

Dean bit his lower lip which was very distracting for a moment before he answered the question. “I would rather be bonded to you than to Amara. And breaking the bond with her would mean that I can kill her. She would lose her power over me.”

 

Cas huffed out a bitter laugh, “I thought you somehow would have learned from past mistakes and ask for more information  _ before _ you want things that have consequences for the rest of your life and even beyond. And maybe… for a short moment… you would consider that maybe I don’t want to be bonded to you.”

 

For a moment Dean looked downright hurt before he awkwardly looked away, “I’m sorry, Cas… I thought… It’s stupid... Doesn’t matter… You’re right. I should let you rest.”

 

“Dean, I…” Cas started, but Dean interrupted him. 

 

“No, Cas. It’s alright. I was out of line.”

 

Cas stood up from Dean’s bed , “I’ll go to my room. I can rest there… Thank you for... “ He gestured at his shirt and Dean nodded, not even looking at him. 

 

“Sure, no problem.”

 

It felt like a ton of rocks lying on his chest and making it hard to breathe when Cas left Dean’s room to find his own down the hallway. A room that the Winchester’s had offered him a while ago to call his own when he was recovering from the spell Rowena had cast on him.

 

A room that was still cluttered with boxes, but somehow still felt empty.

 

…. :::: :::: ….

 

_ I don’t want to be bonded to you. _

 

Of course not. Dean stared at the ceiling of his now empty room, hating himself for even asking something like this from Cas. And his friend was right. Dean had no clue about the consequences, he hadn’t cared. He still didn’t. 

 

He couldn’t imagine that anything bad would happen when he got bonded to Cas. What was the worst that could happen anyway? That Cas would be at his side forever? That was a big plus in Dean’s book when he thought about it. He was always afraid that he was going to end up alone at one point. That he would lose everyone he loved because, so far, this had happened in his life. Everyone died and Sam and Cas were the only people left of his family. So keeping someone he loved in his life – yeah, not a bad thing at all.

 

But it didn’t matter… Cas didn’t want this. And he couldn’t blame the guy. He had no idea what bonding in angel terms meant anyway because for Dean it just meant a convenient way to get rid of Amara.

 

And then it hit Dean. Cas had always been used like a tool, like his life wasn’t worth anything. 

 

And now he had done the same. He had wanted to use Cas as a means to destroy Amara.

 

“Fuck!” 

 

He could have punched himself for being so stupid. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Cas. On the contrary…

 

The memory of the kiss flooded Dean’s mind and he sighed and turned on his side. It was kind of unreal. He never thought he would ever kiss his best friend.

 

And Cas had kissed him back. 

 

He wondered if that meant anything or if Cas had just been really out of it. Dean turned on his other side. The kiss had been awesome and he would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t want more. He had buried his attraction to Cas under tons of denial and, so far, this had worked fine. But now that he knew what it felt like to kiss him… it was hard to think of anything else.

 

Dean finally decided that brooding in his room didn't help with anything, but maybe a beer would do the trick. Even if it wouldn’t help, he desperately needed one. His brother stood in the kitchen, making himself a sandwich when Dean opened the fridge.  

 

“How is he?” Sam asked, wearing his typical concerned-puppy look that Dean always responded with an eyeroll. 

 

“How’d you think?” Dean snapped and opened a bottle, taking a large gulp. 

 

Sam raised an eyebrow and stared at his brother for a moment before he cleared his throat, “Look… I know you probably don’t wanna talk–”

 

“You’re right. I don’t,” Dean interrupted Sam and sat down heavily at the kitchen table.

 

It was Sam’s turn to respond with an eyeroll as he sat down across from him. “Dean, you and Cas were kissing! What was that about?”

 

Dean buried his face in his hands wondering why he thought it was a great idea to leave his room. “I don’t know, okay?” He snapped at his brother: “Spur of the moment, I guess.”

 

Sam gave him a look that basically said ‘you know nothing, Jon Snow’.

 

Dean sighed and rubbed his hands over his face in frustration, “I… just don’t know, okay? Just drop it.”

 

Sam leaned back in his chair, “Look, I get that this is all… confusing for you. I just wanna–”

 

“It’s not! Confusing, I mean...” And Dean had no idea why he just had told his brother that. He really didn’t wanna talk about this, but Sam was so damn annoying sometimes. 

 

Sam raised an eyebrow and slowly leaned forward, “Okay… I just wanna let you know… I’m okay with this.”

 

Dean huffed, “I know, Sammy.” 

 

And he did know. He never had any doubts about the fact that Sam would be accepting about any relationship Dean would have, as long as he was happy. His Dad wasn’t like that and sometimes Dean still felt the consequences of his upbringing. There had been times when gay relationships had made him confused and uncomfortable, but that had always been because it reminded him that love could be found in the most unexpected places. He had fallen for Cas a long time ago. Dean had buried his feelings and planned to never act on them; he was painfully aware that they were there and had only grown in strength along the way.

“So are you going to do anything about it?” Sam asked after a while and Dean knew without looking up that he would see a softness in his brother’s eyes that matched his voice. 

 

Dean fiddled with the paper on his beer bottle. Yeah, that was a good question. He didn’t really know. He wanted to maybe try this with Cas… but even though just the thought of it made him feel like an excited teenager with a huge ass crush, it also scared the shit out of him. 

 

Because this was real. He knew he was looking for someone who would fit into his life as a hunter, who would know everything about him, but would still stay at his side. Cas was this person. The one he was missing in his life to be happy, the one person beside Sam that he needed in his life. To feel complete, to feel… happy.

 

But Cas made himself rather clear as he had told him that he didn’t want to be bonded to Dean. It was stupid to think he would feel the same, or that he would be open to a possible…

 

It was ridiculous. He couldn’t even think about it without his heart nearly jumping out of his chest.

 

“It’s not up to me…” he quietly answered Sam’s question.

 

“But are you two going to talk about it?”

 

Dean closed his eyes for a moment. Why did his brother always had the need to talk about everything? “There isn’t anything to talk about. Cas doesn’t want me like that.” Dean stood up and wanted nothing more than to go back to his room, so he wouldn’t have to deal with all of this but Sam’s outburst held him back .

 

“That’s bullshit!”

 

Dean crinkled his forehead and turned around to face his brother, “What?”

 

“If you think that Cas doesn’t feel the exact same way as you, you’re either stupid or blind.”

 

“The hell, Sammy?” Dean asked, putting his bottle on the table with more force than necessary. 

 

Sam shook his head slightly, his long hair falling into his face before he combed it back with his fingers. “He does everything for you, Dean... and I see the way he looks at you. I’ve never told you, but you should have seen him when you were… a demon. He missed you a lot.”

 

Dean didn’t know what to say to that. This was all too much and his mind was spinning out of control. He felt like he was sitting in a high speed train with no brakes and no way to control it, rushing into something scary and unknown where he would lose himself. He rubbed his hand over his face and shook his head, “I can’t, Sammy. I… I just… I’m going to bed. I can’t think about this right now.”

  
Sam just nodded and Dean could feel his sad puppy eyes watching him as he went back to his room.  


End file.
